So recently, there has been this deep intrinsic urge within me to just let go and be ....I don't know....unconventional. Like really unconventional....Do you ever feel that? Or am I alone?
I mean.... I just want to say to Wes:
I mean.... I just want to say to Wes:
“Let’s just do it. Lets stop this rat race we call “the American Dream” of marriage, house, job, 2.5 kids and a dog, and just be a bit....reckless”....Cash it all in for a small hut on a beach somewhere deep in the Caribbean where the simple life IS part of life...it is expected.
And when I get to the point of really wanting to bust out and do it, the unfortunate logical side of me kicks into gear and I think:
And when I get to the point of really wanting to bust out and do it, the unfortunate logical side of me kicks into gear and I think:
Well, there's unconventional....and then there’s stupid....
But it does sound fun....well, sort of....
Like any "dream" it sounds all nice and dandy until the "reality" of the dream hits you in the face and you find yourself sick of fish, sick of coconuts, hot and sunburned, sick from being eaten alive by sand fleas...you get the point....Laying in misery on the beach, you find yourself then dreaming of snow, a warm cozy fire, normal working hours, and medical insurance so you can get your flea bites and sunburn taken care of ....
If I just killed your daydream....sorry....but spoken from a little experience of living on a tropical island in the Caribbean for a short stint, the reality of it is this: We always are somehow wanting what we do not have.....and when we get what we think we want, there is this little thing called reality that is there to greet us and slap us around a bit until our dream of that wonderful care free life is fully deflated.
Whether it is money or fame or a simple life or dogs or kids or a house or to be debt free....all those things we find ourselves desiring as part of this life....I find it is human nature to just....simply want what we do not have. And I admit, I have been there lately too.
This has become really BIG to me in the last few weeks as I have pondered my life....I had a friend recently ask me why I was still where I was....I guess they expected me to be long gone from my job...living elsewhere...doing big and different things....possibly even living out of this country....
But it does sound fun....well, sort of....
Like any "dream" it sounds all nice and dandy until the "reality" of the dream hits you in the face and you find yourself sick of fish, sick of coconuts, hot and sunburned, sick from being eaten alive by sand fleas...you get the point....Laying in misery on the beach, you find yourself then dreaming of snow, a warm cozy fire, normal working hours, and medical insurance so you can get your flea bites and sunburn taken care of ....
If I just killed your daydream....sorry....but spoken from a little experience of living on a tropical island in the Caribbean for a short stint, the reality of it is this: We always are somehow wanting what we do not have.....and when we get what we think we want, there is this little thing called reality that is there to greet us and slap us around a bit until our dream of that wonderful care free life is fully deflated.
Whether it is money or fame or a simple life or dogs or kids or a house or to be debt free....all those things we find ourselves desiring as part of this life....I find it is human nature to just....simply want what we do not have. And I admit, I have been there lately too.
This has become really BIG to me in the last few weeks as I have pondered my life....I had a friend recently ask me why I was still where I was....I guess they expected me to be long gone from my job...living elsewhere...doing big and different things....possibly even living out of this country....
I have to admit that I was "taken back" by the statement....Almost instantly I began to feel....well, not good enough....like I wasn't doing anything with my life....It brought up all these deep feelings of, "Your stuck", and "your not adventurous", and "your too scared" and "why are the heck are you still where you are Heather?" = failure.
It got so bad that I began to feel a bit of resentment to the Lord for being where I still am. Needless to say, it was a hard couple of weeks of gnawing and chewing on my reality a bit.
But after some serious soul searching and re-evaluation....*and the MercyMe concert that spoke volumes to my heart about not being content with this life*...I finally came to the realization (*again*) that I know that I know I have lived my life (or tried very hard) seeking after where and what God has for me. Sure I have make some mistakes along the way that have prevented me from being overly unconventional...most of them financial mistakes.... and have had to make some hard choices in terms of reconciling my life back to "being afloat". But you know what? God has reminded me that it is OK that I am still where I am at.
I am still Blessed. In fact, I am SO blessed to be where I am. I am not a failure to be here....still.
He has continued to walk by my side whether I have chosen to move jobs or cities or countries.... He has made me Heather....He has walked by my side guiding and directing my steps....Have I always made the right choices? Maybe not, but that doesn't mean he can't still use my mistakes for His glory.
But after some serious soul searching and re-evaluation....*and the MercyMe concert that spoke volumes to my heart about not being content with this life*...I finally came to the realization (*again*) that I know that I know I have lived my life (or tried very hard) seeking after where and what God has for me. Sure I have make some mistakes along the way that have prevented me from being overly unconventional...most of them financial mistakes.... and have had to make some hard choices in terms of reconciling my life back to "being afloat". But you know what? God has reminded me that it is OK that I am still where I am at.
I am still Blessed. In fact, I am SO blessed to be where I am. I am not a failure to be here....still.
He has continued to walk by my side whether I have chosen to move jobs or cities or countries.... He has made me Heather....He has walked by my side guiding and directing my steps....Have I always made the right choices? Maybe not, but that doesn't mean he can't still use my mistakes for His glory.
And you know, even though my situation isn't that of this person or that person. I have listened to the Lord, my heart, and my....head. Which sometimes, isn't such a bad thing to do. :-) I have had to grow up in areas that maybe someone grew up in years before I reached the point to where I am now, but it is ok. OK....that is what I have to keep reminding myself.
I have been blessed with longevity in a job that has kinda grown on me and taught me ALOT....a husband who loves me for me and not this ideal of who he thought he married...a great house to live in....a GREAT place to live....family near by....a church where I am growing in leaps and bounds....not too shabby of a life, eh?
Anyways, I have been reminded today, even as I write this, that even in the mundane, God has big things for us. That it is sometimes in the mundaneness of life, that He does His greatest refinement of our hearts. He can still work in BIG ways and show us BIG things....working 8:30-5 in a job with benefits, paying down debt, doing laundry and cooking dinner....I have experiences in "the rut" that others may not have....and I have grown just as much as the next person...
So if you are a me....out there wondering "How am I here and Why am I here"....and so desperatly wanting to be living a wild adventure of someone elses life...Remember that God is in the mediocre....That he has YOU where he has YOU for a reason. As long as we are faithful to answer to HIM, it doesn't matter what others feel or think....In the end, you have to answer to God, not man.
You are His....set apart for His plan.
However deep down inside, in my finite little mind....I still pray that someone makes a mistake today and wipes away all those college loans, car loans, and cc Bills....and that I win the next HGTV dream home on a beach somewhere in the Caribbean on an island sans of bugs and about a mild 70 degrees and sunny most of the time.... :-) ....a girl can still dream, RIGHT?....
I have been blessed with longevity in a job that has kinda grown on me and taught me ALOT....a husband who loves me for me and not this ideal of who he thought he married...a great house to live in....a GREAT place to live....family near by....a church where I am growing in leaps and bounds....not too shabby of a life, eh?
Anyways, I have been reminded today, even as I write this, that even in the mundane, God has big things for us. That it is sometimes in the mundaneness of life, that He does His greatest refinement of our hearts. He can still work in BIG ways and show us BIG things....working 8:30-5 in a job with benefits, paying down debt, doing laundry and cooking dinner....I have experiences in "the rut" that others may not have....and I have grown just as much as the next person...
So if you are a me....out there wondering "How am I here and Why am I here"....and so desperatly wanting to be living a wild adventure of someone elses life...Remember that God is in the mediocre....That he has YOU where he has YOU for a reason. As long as we are faithful to answer to HIM, it doesn't matter what others feel or think....In the end, you have to answer to God, not man.
You are His....set apart for His plan.
However deep down inside, in my finite little mind....I still pray that someone makes a mistake today and wipes away all those college loans, car loans, and cc Bills....and that I win the next HGTV dream home on a beach somewhere in the Caribbean on an island sans of bugs and about a mild 70 degrees and sunny most of the time.... :-) ....a girl can still dream, RIGHT?....
2 comments:
Heather, as always, good stuff. You owe it to yourself to read Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover and Tim Ferriss' 4-Hour Work Week. Then ask the Lord again what heights he is preparing you and Wes for!
I thought I was the only one that ever felt this way! Often times I feel fine until...until someone makes a comment and then all my insecurities come up to the surface and I start doubting...everything! Thanks so much for you post...I needed it!!
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