Eucharisteo

It is 4:46am.
Restless night=uneasy spirit.

My mind is struggling to shut off.

Because of the nature of this blog being so public, and not knowing how much I can say or not say in relationship to my job, I wish I could tell you the whole story....but I must refrain.

However what I can tell you is that my heart is broken and my right hand has been cut off. Officially.

I have spent the last month sitting by, feeling as if I was watching my 'partner' at work drown in a sea of injustice...but not being able to even put my foot in the water to save her. All the while, being shifted in between bosses, not fully transitioned until April 1...packing up my office to literally move 'up the hill'....walking around in limbo...alone...no one fighting for me....

Yet, all the while, I have faced one of the busiest times I can remember at work. So, as the people would come in for their retreats, to a place of 'spiritual rest and peace', I was having to suck up all my personal feelings, emotions, and agendas...put on a smile, and work....as....if....unto....the....Lord.

We throw that phrase around in Christian ministry a lot. I think I finally understand it.

Been drinking from the fire hydrant of life lately and I am ready for it to shut off.

As I stated before I am reading a book called, "One Thousand Gifts". Slowly crawling through the book at a snail pace. It is that good...but also, hard to read because there is just so much to it...and my brain has to go deep to get the truths. And, at the end, of my day, brain power is not my forte.

The premise of the book is learning to find thanksgiving- eucharisteo,.....in the middle of life where you are....in the everything.

"Eucharisteo always preceeds a miracle"

In scripture...when the Lord was in the garden....as he was praying, pleading with his father while blood ran down his face to let this cup pass from Him, He gave thanks.

Being thankful, even in the muck, is perspective shifting. Taking our eyes off ourself and onto the things we really have. A practice to work at seeing the whole picture at hand. Thanking the one whose hand these things have passed through....because after all, there is a lot to be thankful for....and there is. But it is so so so much easier said than done.

"Eucharisteo always preceeds a miracle"

That phrase has rung in my head. So I have been trying to practice it....I have begun with the little things, "Lord, thank you for my clothes." to the mundane "Lord, thank you for the man stocking milk at the grocery store...how else would it get there for me to buy?" to the realities "Lord, thank you for my health"....SOmetimes it appears as if I have gone crazy as I mumble these truths of thankfulness under my breath as I see them around me....or when something comes my direction. But it is ok, most people think I am going crazy these days...so....let....them....think....what....they....may.
I am simply clinging to the only life raft I have at the moment....thankfulness.

But it is hard.

I don't feel very thankful at 4am in the morning when I can't sleep, when people have been treated unfairly, when I am having to say good by, when I feel like I am walking into a desert land, when I feel all alone in my plight...when I haven't been yet released to walk away myself.

But Jesus practiced Eucharisteo. In the desert land, when he was all alone in his plight, when he had to say good by to loved ones, when he was treated unfairly. As he ate the bread and drank the wine at the last supper...he broke bread and gave thanks.

So we, I, must do the same as well. If I am a Christ follower....I have to take all life hands me...and am given a choice. I don't always make the right choice. But in this hard hard journey I am on right now, I am realizing more than I ever have before what 'making the right choice' means...what practicing thanksgiving, in everything, means.

I am not sure how to sum this up...my eyes are heavy and i have another hour of sleep I can try for before I have to be up and functioning...but I don't think it will happen....so to this I say, "thank you Lord for the pound of Starbucks sitting on my counter...for today, I will need it"

"Eucharisteo always precedes a miracle"