I won't lie...my time with the Lord has been lacking lately. That diligence and lack thereof seems to be spreading to EVERY area of my life. And this morning, God really hit me.
These verses came to me in a very normal way....but very much directed specifically from God to me. I kinda "had it out" with God yesterday about several things in my life. Just needing to vent and be honest with the Lord. And it never ceases to amaze me that when we come to Him like that, He speaks. And answers. And gives us direction.
He speaks through His word. And His word never returns void...and his word always speaks truth. And it spoke to me this morning.
Romans 12:6-16
"Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own site."
So I am just being honest here...really honest. The things in bold are things I have been really struggling with. I want things in my life right now. Selfish things. Normal things. And all around me it seems to be happening for everyone else. And I am left to just....wait.
I get tired of waiting. Tired of being patient. Tired of putting everyone else first. I am just simply tired. And because of that, I haven't been filling myself with the Lord but with everything else. Trying to take control life myself in an effort to make myself feel better. It doesn't work. I have noticed lately that my spirit is dry. I am moody. And my joy just is gone.
God reminded me this morning how selfish my thoughts and ways truly are. How much grossness is really inside my heart. The unconfessed sin. His word reveals to us those things. Brings the darkness to light. And it is hard to swallow sometimes.
So anyways, I will continue on with this great journey called life. Momemt by moment. Day by Day. Doing my best to walk in grace and to offer it freely to everyone around me. But glad that it is freely given to all who will recieve. I know I need a lot.
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