And so the Chaos begins...

As I sit here tonight and think about what is ahead of us in the next few months I feel the sudden urge to go get a paper bag and start breathing through it. We are about to embark on a season of chaos in our lives. Or at least, that is the way it looks on paper.

You see, the holiday’s, as nice as they are to look forward to, always bring with them a certain... tiredness. That is what I think of now that I am married when I think about the holidays. Or have thought of all year....until now.

Please travel with me down this road as I am about to share with you what the Lord has been doing and is doing in our lives.

And DON’t mis-read this because I love family and I love family being together, but the coordination of everyone’s schedules does make it somewhat of a stressful time of year. At least for us....

Wes and I are blessed to be in families that are steeped in tradition. That enjoy being together over the holidays. And I love that. I love family. That is a gift I never want to take for granted. I never want to tire of celebrating that. And I am not complaining about that in any way.

The problem isn’t “the family”....as most people complain about this time of the year....I truly love every side of my family. The problem, as the Lord is working on my heart, has been my perspective on the time.
Let me explain.

LAST YEAR,
I tried so hard to please everyone in such a small window of time that I lost out on the joy of what the holidays really entailed. Because ultimately, we couldn’t please everyone. You never can. Don’t know why I still try.

I guess I envisioned bliss and snowflakes and sugarplums over the holiday’s when we got married....instead, we got some “ba humbugs” and coal....Wes and I spent a good bit of our holidays last year snipping at each other....throughout the whole season...mostly about where we would go and when....it was pretty stressful....and not so much fun.

I distinctively remember getting home after the holidays and simply being exhausted and thinking “I don’t want to do that every year if this is how I feel after every holiday season”. It was a horrible feeling of dread.

MY issue is that I am an inbred people pleaser and will do what I need to to “make it happen” for everyone....even at the expense of my own enjoyment. And Wes knows that about me. BUT I have to say that Wes has some of that in him too. So there were times, when our objective was the same, but the how and who and when caused some serious “tensions”.

In our “planning”, I would try to please him...and as he does, he would call me out on it (it is why I married him...he was the first person to call me out on my junk...I love that about him...but at times I really hate that he knows me so well...)

SO then...I would say what I really wanted to do and he would try to please me...but I knew he wasn’t happy about it... and what I really wanted was for him to feel happy about my decision....but I knew he wasn’t....and it would irritate me...because I couldn’t please him with my decision....which would irritate him that I was even trying to do that....and we just really could never get it together...it was a vicious cycle. We were warned about this happening in our pre-marital counseling, but as most newly wed rookies think, “Na, we are different...That won’t be us.”....*ha ha, yeah right...we were TEXTBOOK dummies for it*

SO THIS YEAR....
In the midst of our holiday planning CHAOS...talking about where we will be and when....I made it a goal of mine to say what I mean the first time, and to stick with OUR plans. And to really focus on enjoying one another....and to enjoy the blessing of our families....even if it is just for a day here or there as we travel to and fro over the season...

*This is also where, this year, the journey that the Lord has us on is truly turning out to be a wild ride. The Lord’s hand is clearly evident in our lives. How He is working and changing us.*

BECAUSE....I find it funny, kind of ironic really, that, in the midst of holiday CHAOS the Lord has also called Wes and I to leave for a week to go on a mission trip to Nicaragua.
I mean, really?

In fact, based on everything I just wrote about, it is a CLEAR picture of God’s hand working to change us. All of a sudden, even as I write this, our journey to GO to Nicaragua is making more and more sense. We signed up to go this summer. And ended up being called to go in one of the craziest seasons of most peoples years....HA! It is making me laugh out loud.

We just know that we were called to go. I couldn’t get it out of my heart when our trip was cancelled in July. We honestly only looked at our work schedules as we knew we were still supposed to go....and even at that, we looked pretty “loosely”... (Neither one of us really live for our work so that wasn’t too much of a factor in our decision making process) The only thing I can think is that maybe God put blinders on us when we “re-signed” up. Cause neither one of us thought about the “time of year” really.

And as I look at the calendar today I realize that we have just about three weeks before we leave. *My heart just leapt into my throat.* I mean, what were we thinking signing up to go now? I remember telling some people about when we re-decided to go and their response *with inflections of shock and horror in their voices* was, “Your going at Christmas?”

I didn’t really think much about it then....but I am now. As I made out my calendar today I had to remind myself to *just breathe*; it will be ok; it will all get done. I am just going to have to “power shop” this year...possibly on Christmas Eve...and possibly in convenience stores at the gas stations we stop at on our way traveling to where we will be going....but it will be ok.

*family reading this be warned: you may end up with a bottle of Yoo-Hoo and a candy bar as a present this year...but know that it truly comes from the bottom of our hearts!*

Well, all I can say is, when you are called to do something, you just have to go and do it. And what I am learning the most is that God’s calling isn’t contingent upon when it works the best for us. *I am living that out...seriously...*

And the fact that I feel a bit of panic inside about our holiday schedule is what makes me SO excited about what lies ahead. What God has in store for us together during this week in Nicaragua. It is exciting. I am ready for a perspective shift. Especially at this time of the year. I kind of look at it as a “Selah” moment for us in the midst of a.....storm.

And I can’t wait to share with you about all the wonderful things we learned upon our return. And how our holidays will be so different this year than they were last.
Thanks for praying....thanks for sharing this journey with us....and thanks for loving us....Tis the season to truly LIVE OUT CHRIST and be transformed.