Transitioning home...

We just flew back Sunday around 4:30... (for those of you who DON”T know, we have spent the last year preparing for a 8day mission trip to Nicaragua)

And I don’t want to be here. Well, I mean, I do....but I don’t.

Transitioning back into the world as WE know it is difficult. I won’t lie. Houses seem so big; everything seems soooo excessive and unnecessary. Walking into our house last night all I could think was, “Gosh we have too much stuff”.

It is overwhelming at best.

Yesterday and today haven’t been too much better. I went to work and broke into tears within the first 5 min of being there. Maybe I should have given myself a day to “decompress” all the emotions and stuff that is running through my mind and my heart. Even though I have been a few times before, the emotions I feel upon returning to the US have always impacted me this way. However, this time, I do feel it has hit me a bit harder. And I don’t know why.

I told Wes last night that I don’t want this feeling of “overwhelmedness” to leave me. I don’t want it to go away. I want to cling to it and hold on to it desperately. I don’t want to become numb. I don’t want to become immune to the excess around us.

Why?

Because it causes me to be so much more thankful. To understand Gods love in a whole new way.

I didn’t walk into our house last night after a week of no shopping and say, “We have no food to eat”...I opened our pantry and realized how much food we do have.

I am thankful for water pressure. For indoor plumbing. For hot showers. For sealed windows and doors. For being able to flush toilet tissue down the commode. For a beautiful roof over our head. For several pairs of shoes, that fit like they should. For beautiful clothes. For our comfortable couches. For health. For water that we can drink out of the kitchen sink. I am So thankful.

Thankfulness that isn’t just words spoken out of routine because we are supposed to be thankful.. It is a true, sincere, and heart felt thankfulness. A feeling the runs through my heart and pierces me. Thankfulness that brings tears to my eyes.
It is the re-discovered and felt true grace of God.

Oh dear Lord, how ungrateful I have been. How undeserving I am of all of this. I just don’t fully understand. But I receive the gift of this life with so much more gratitude.

I have so many stories of provision over these last 8 days. Stories of sweet babies...giddy children...orphans and widows...sick men....miracles and prayers answered...hiking with kids up the sides of mountains...surfing at the beach with the teenage boys....gift giving....shoes....weddings...baptisms....graduations...spiders...hugs...prayers....

Stories I hope to have time to write about soon. Oh the stories and the memories that will forever be etched on my heart....and on Wes’s heart.

I want to tell you all.
And my goal through the stories is to help compel and encourage you all to go. Just once. You don’t have to continue to go back...but just say yes to go once....and plan it....and do it. I can promise you that it will shake your world up. If all you gain is a better perspective than it is worth it. You will gain perspective. I can promise you that.

But go...and do it with those you love. I tell you, being with Wes on this trip was an amazing and priceless time that I will cherish and hold on to forever. We are forever changed together. And I believe it wasn’t our last time either.

So give me some time to transition back. And I promise you stories.